Darkness Visible

I'd like to write about something that is very important but also very difficult - depression.  Depression is one of those things you hear about a lot but that few people seem to really grasp.  Reseearch indicates that roughly 10% of the U.S. population age 18 and over has been diagnosed as suffering from depression.  While I think that estimate actually is probably a little low, think about what 10% means.  That means an average of 1 in every 10 people in this country have or have had depression.  So, if you haven't experienced depression, look around you.  The chances are good that a family member, friend or co-worker has.

In his memoir on depression, "Darkness Visible," William Styron states that the term "depression" is actually a terrible term for the disease.  He states that "brainstorm" would be a better name to describe it, though that term has already been co-opted to mean something completely different.

A few weeks ago, the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recommended that all adults be screened for depression at least once.  I think this is a very good idea that could save lives, marriages and jobs.  There are undoubtedly people out there who are suffering from this disease who don't know it or who are afraid to bring it up to their doctor or loved ones.  If their doctor can proactively screen for it, perhaps those people can get the help they need.

You say, who cares, Tim?  Why are you using your blog, which is normally filled with funny or lighthearted recollections, to talk about something that nobody really wants to talk about.  I'm doing it because it's important.  I'm doing it for those of you who have suffered depression in the past, are dealing with it now or who may know someone who is.  I'm also doing it because I'm one of the aforementioned 10%.

I've always been a somewhat pensive and introspective person.  I'm the type of person who ruminates a great deal about things - what I could have or should have said or done differently.  As I've referenced in an earlier blog post, I struggle with my self-confidence and tend to beat myself up over things.  I'm not sure if those things make me more susceptible to depression or not.  At any rate, last summer, I really started to notice myself struggling with some of these things more than normal.  I had difficulty sleeping.  I lost 15 pounds.  My wife and co-workers started to take notice and ask if I was okay.  I brushed it off for a while, but as the weeks went on, I started to think something was wrong.  As a part of our company's corporate wellness intiatives, we had to fill out an online questionnaire, the results of which indicated that I was a moderate risk for depression.  Eventually, I decided that all of these signs were trying to tell me something and decided I need to seek help.

I went to my doctor in late September and after speaking to me for a while, discussing symptoms, etc., she put me on some medication.  I'm happy to report that I've been doing much better over the past several months.  My mind seems more at ease and I've been more chipper.  My wife says she can tell the difference, too.

A dear friend of mine who has past experience dealing with some of these same issues gave me a tip to keep in mind when dealing with depression.  I found it very insightful, so I wanted to share it with you as well:  Depression lies. Your brain is not in a normal thought pattern when depressed. The obsessions, the compulsions, the negativity, etc. All lies.  Depression doesn't care what your income is, what your faith is, what kind of car you drive or house you live in.  Look at me: I have a wonderful wife, two terrific kids and a good job that provides for my family.  My life is the picture of suburban bliss, but that doesn't make me immune to depression.

The point of sharing my story isn't to solicit sympathy or anything of that nature. I share it because I want everyone reading to know that it's okay to acknowledge that you may be suffering from depression - that you aren't alone.  If you're one of the 10%, don't be afraid to ask for help.  Don't be afraid to tell your spouse or parents or friends.  Don't be afraid to tell your doctor.  There are medications and therapies that can help you, that can make your life better.  On the other hand, if you are one of the 90%, be grateful!  But also be congnizant of those around you - family members, friends, co-workers - who may be suffering, who may be one of the 10%.   Don't be afraid to ask how they are doing and don't be afraid if they tell you they are struggling.  Offer your love, friendship, and support.  Let them know that they are not alone, that you will do whatever you can to help.  Those words could make all the difference; they might even save a life.

Thanks for reading.