16 Albums

Several years ago, there was a thing on Facebook where people would list the 15 albums that they've heard that will always stick with you. I thought I'd revisit that and provide some additional details on my choices.  Also, I'm going to bump it up to 16 albums, just because it's my blog and I can do what I want.  Keep in mind, these are not necessarily my 16 favorite albums of all time - just 16 albums that will always stick with me for whatever reason.

Some of these may make people laugh, but that’s okay. You’ll probably notice that a large percentage of these are ‘90s albums….albums that appeared during my college years. I suppose that’s mainly just because of the memories that will always be intertwined with that music. To paraphrase a Better Than Ezra song (that is from an album that is, ironically, not on my list), these albums are a soundtrack for a place in time.

Here’s my list, roughly in chronological order:

1. Stryper – “To Hell With The Devil” - Why It's On The List: I absolutely loved this album back when I was in middle school.  I actually saw them live in 1989 and had backstage passes and got to meet the band.  The highlight of that concert was when they played "To Hell With the Devil" during the encore and the drum set started spinning around.  This was my first real concert and, as a 14 year old kid, I was in awe.
2. U2 – “The Joshua Tree” - Why It's On The List: My guess is that this one would be on the list of a lot of people my age, including a lot of you.  In the midst of the hair bands and the synthesizers that dominated '80s music, this album soundly singularly different.  Edge's guitar, Bono's vocals. Three gigantic worldwide hits.  "With or Without You" is probably still my favorite song of all time.  Favorite Lyric: "Sleight of hand and twist of fate, on a bed of nails she makes me wait."
3. Nirvana – “Nevermind” - Why It's On The List: Another landmark record that ushered in a sea change in music.  Out went hair bands and in came flannel-clad grunge.  This was a record that was played over and over again during my senior year in high school.  The video for "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was iconic.
4. Metallica – "Metallica" - Why It's On The List: I played this one constantly during my senior year in high school.  I remember driving my parent's minivan full of friends to road football games with this album blaring out of the tape deck.
5. Garth Brooks – “Ropin’ The Wind” - Why It's On The List: This was the first album that really got me interested in country music.  During the summer of 1992, I listened to this album (as well as Garth's first two albums) almost non-stop.  Before that, I had no interest at all in country music, so it's almost as if this album opened up another whole genre of music to me.  Favorite Lyric: "Just for laughs, I dialed her old number, but no one knew her name / Hung up the phone, sat there and wondered if she'd ever done the same."
6. Pearl Jam – “Ten” - Why It's On The List: This album was ubiquitous during my freshman year at Baylor.  I don't think there was ever a time when this album wasn't playing somewhere in my dorm that year.  Favorite Lyric: "I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky but why, why, why can't it be, can't it be mine?"
7. Brooks & Dunn – “Brand New Man” - Why It's On The List: This was the first non-Garth Brooks country album that I bought and really enjoyed.  As someone who has always gravitated toward sad or wistful songs (see some of my lyric selections on this list), this one had no shortage of those.  "Neon Moon" is still one of my all time favorite sad songs.  Favorite Lyric: "If you lose your one and only / There's always room here for the lonely / To watch your broken dreams dance in and out of the beams of a neon moon"
8. Gin Blossoms – “New Miserable Experience” - Why It's On The List: More than 20 years later, this is still my favorite album of all time.  It's jangly, pop-rock perfection.  There's not a bad song on the album and I listened to it constantly during my sophomore year at Baylor (as I'm sure my roommates would attest.) "Hey Jealousy," "Found Out About You," "Allison Road" and on and on.  Favorite Lyrics: "When you're in the company of strangers or just the strangers you call friends" and "There's no intentions worthy of mention if we never try, so hang your hopes on rusted-out hinges, take 'em for a ride" and "Streetlights break on through the car window, I get the time too often on AM radio"
9. Stone Temple Pilots – “Purple” - Why It's On The List: Another of those frequently played records from my college years.  "Interstate Love Song" is one of my favorite songs from my college years - two and half minutes of arena rock perfection.  Favorite Lyric: "If you should die before me ask if you can bring a friend"
10. Sarah McLachlan - "Solace" - Why It's On The List: Songs from this record, especially the first half of it, instantly transport to night time drives on rural Central Texas roads.  Every single time - and the funny part is that I didn't even own the album at the time.  I didn't buy it until after college.  Favorite Lyric: "So I ran like the wind to the water, please don't leave me again I cried / And I threw bitter tears at the ocean, but all that came back was the tide."
11. Green Day – “Dookie” - Why It's On The List: Yet another of those frequently played records from my college years. Every time I hear "When I Come Around," I remember driving Nellie (my college friends will recall that was what I named my car) back to my apartment after a service project at LaRue's Learning Center in Waco.  Don't ask me why that memory sticks in my head - it just does. Favorite Lyric: "I am one of those melodramatic fools, neurotic to the bone no doubt about it."
12. Better Than Ezra – “Deluxe” - Why It's On the List: This is one of my all-time favorites and I can still sing every lyric of every song, even if I haven't listened to it for months.  Another one without any bad songs.  Favorite Lyric: "For everyone there's a person, place or time / That brings you back and makes you feel alive / Before your reason clouds your eyes / When you could rule the world if you wanted to."  When you think about it, that lyric actually sums up this entire list!
13. Hootie and the Blowfish – “Cracked Rear View” - Why It's On The List: First of all, don’t laugh!  I loved this record before most people had heard it. I saw them play a club in Dallas right before “Let Her Cry” exploded and that concert was one of the highlights of my 4 years of college.  There were about a dozen of us that drove up from Waco to Dallas to see the concert and we didn't get back until about 3 in the morning.  It was an amazing experience.  I still remember the first time I heard "Hold My Hand" and thought to myself - wow, who are these guys?  Favorite Lyric: "I'm gonna pout at you until I get my way."
14. Edwin McCain – “Honor Among Thieves” - Why It's On The List: Interestingly, the only reason I had even heard of Edwin was because he opened for Hootie at the aforementioned concert in Dallas.  He was terrific, so I felt like I had to check out his music.  This is another album that instantly transports me back to late night drives through Central Texas.  One song in particular, "Sorry to a Friend," is a song that takes my breath away every time I listen to it - it's powerful, heartbreaking stuff.  Favorite Lyric: "We had wonderful times but terrible timing."
15. Randy Rogers Band – “Rollercoaster” - Why It's On The List: This is the album that turned me on to “Texas Country/Red Dirt” music and bands like Cross Canadian Ragweed, Reckless Kelly, Turnpike Troubadours, etc.  While I love songs and albums by all of those groups, without Rollercoaster, I'm not sure I'd have ever heard of any of those other groups.  I just saw Randy Rogers Band in concert last week and, fortunately, they played several songs off this record even though it's more than a decade old.  Favorite Lyrics: "I'm not saying it's sink or swim, but I've already jumped in" and "Tonight's not the night to play it safe or take it easy or waste anymore precious time / No, tonight's not the night to watch you get in your car and leave me, no tonight's not the night for goodbye."
16. Turnpike Troubadours - "Diamonds and Gasoline" - Why It's On The List:  This is probably my favorite album over the past 10 years.  Great muscianship - plenty of fiddle, if that's your sort of thing - and Evan Felker's lyrics are terrific.  "7 & 7" is my favorite song on the record and one of my favorite songs of the last decade.  While their latest record has gotten almost universally positive reviews, this one is still my favorite of theirs.  The first time I heard a song off it - "Kansas City Southern," I can tell you exactly where I was - working out at the Y.  Favorite Lyric: "Ain't it strange how well I knew you back when I was 17 / Lovin' you was easy, babe, but I was just a child / These days, you ain't nothing, just an interstate daydream / Folks were sleepin' while we were runnin' wild"

There you have it - the albums that will always stick with me.  I hope you enjoyed this little glimpse into my world and I'd love to hear what albums would be on your list and why.

Thanks for reading!
- Tim

Quick Hits and Random Thoughts

I just have a few things to get off my chest...

• Is this really the list of people I have to choose from for president this year?  In a country with 300 million people, we can't find anyone better than the 7 or 8 people we have who are still in the running this year?  Really?
• For once, it would be nice to be able to cast my vote for president without having to hold my nose and feel like I'm picking the lesser of two evils.
• Part of the problem with our process of selecting a president is that all of these primaries force candidates to play to the base and move further to the ends of the political spectrum in order to secure their party's nomination.  So, by the time the general election rolls around, we're left with two people who have already alienated half of the country with the positions they espoused earlier on in the primary season.
• When did "compromise" and "bi-partisanship" become dirty words?  Folks on both sides of the political aisle are more concerned with scoring points with donors and the hardline people in their respective parties than they are with, you know, doing their jobs and passing legislation.  Rather than trying to work with people from the other party and attempting to find some common ground that can be used to as a foundation of new laws, they are more concerned with drawing a line in the sand and calling each other names.  Those who are supposed to be mature statesmen and stateswomen who have the good of the country in mind instead behave like petulant children doing the equivalent of putting their fingers in their ears and yelling "LA LA LA LA LA!  I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
• Does anyone else find it interesting that some of folks who said that Obama was unqualified to be president in 2008 because he was just a first term senator now advocate for Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio who are....wait for it.....first term senators?
• I find it ridiculous that Republicans are "offended" that Obama is going to attempt to fill Justice Scalia's spot on the Supreme Court.  They talk about how it's tradition to not fill those spots in a presidential election year, while conveniently ignoring that their beloved Ronald Reagan did exactly that with the nomination and confirmation of Anthony Kennedy in 1988.  If the tables were turned and there was a Republican in the White House right now, I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that they would be encouraging him or her to fill that spot as soon as possible.
• Also, I find it ironic that those folks who constantly advocate for the importance of the constitution want to, in this instance, ignore Article 2, Section 2 of the constitution where it states that the President "shall appoint...Judges of the supreme Court." 
• Few things in life annoy me more than hypocrisy and in few places is hypocrisy more prevalent than politics, as some of the aforementioned examples illustrate.  The "small government" advocate who spends billions on military build-ups and starts a war overseas.  The "family values" person who gets caught having a mistress.  The "small government" person who advocates personal responsibility and liberty on one hand while actively working to tell people who they can and cannot marry on the other hand.  The communications professor who apparently doesn't understand the First Amendment and tells the press that they can't cover protests in a public space at a public university.  The billionaire real estate tycoon who blasts a city and metro area one week but then asks for tax breaks and tax money for a development in that same community the next.  I may not agree with your position on an issue, but if you are consistent and you can defend your position in a reasonable, educated and mature manner, I can still respect you and your position. 
• The amount of money that is spent by individuals and corporations on elections in this country sickens me.  Imagine how much good could be accomplished if, instead donating that money to politicians or political causes, that money was donated to charities, churches, schools, scholarship funds, etc.!

Moving on to less contentious topics...

• Why is it that the guy who cuts you off in traffic gives YOU the finger instead of the other way around?  Does he have a guilty conscience?
• Am I the only one who sometimes arrives at work and can't recall anything about the drive there?  It's alternately frightening and amazing to consider that it's possible to drive, navigate traffic, exit the interstate, etc. without consciously doing any of those things.
• I honestly think that, at any given time in America, either "Friends" or "Family Feud" are on TV.
• I've taught training classes at work for years and my ice breaker at the beginning of the class is always "What is your favorite movie of all time?"  Every single time, at least one person says "The Shawshank Redemption."  Seriously...I've done this dozens and dozens of times and someone always says that movie.  Every.  Single.  Time.
• I think the most highly compensated people in society should be doctors, nurses, police officers, fire fighters and teachers.  People who save lives, risk their lives and educate our children should be compensated such that the cream of the crop in our society pursue those careers.  (And I'm not just saying that because my wife is a teacher!)
• "The Blacklist" may be in it's fourth season, but it's still a really good yarn.  James Spader is terrific.
• John Oliver is hilarious and I'm so glad that "Last Week Tonight" is back for a new season.  I may not always agree with this take on issues, but he always presents them in a hilarious manner.  The last segment about New Zealand last night had me doubled over in laughter.
• Those "Wayfair.com" commercials where the people are dancing around their living room after getting their package in the mail?  Those have to be some of the most ridiculously annoying commercials in the history of television.
• If you haven't listened to any music by Turnpike Troubadours yet, you owe it to yourself to do so.  The muscianship is terrific and Evan Felker's vocals and lyrics are always top notch.  They have slowly but surely built a grassroots following that allows them to sell out clubs throughout the country without receiving virtually any radio play.  In a sense, they are the country version of R.E.M. from the early '80s.  While "Diamonds and Gasoline" is still my favorite of their records, last fall's self-titled release is a gem, too.

That's all for now.  Thanks for reading!

Darkness Visible

I'd like to write about something that is very important but also very difficult - depression.  Depression is one of those things you hear about a lot but that few people seem to really grasp.  Reseearch indicates that roughly 10% of the U.S. population age 18 and over has been diagnosed as suffering from depression.  While I think that estimate actually is probably a little low, think about what 10% means.  That means an average of 1 in every 10 people in this country have or have had depression.  So, if you haven't experienced depression, look around you.  The chances are good that a family member, friend or co-worker has.

In his memoir on depression, "Darkness Visible," William Styron states that the term "depression" is actually a terrible term for the disease.  He states that "brainstorm" would be a better name to describe it, though that term has already been co-opted to mean something completely different.

A few weeks ago, the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recommended that all adults be screened for depression at least once.  I think this is a very good idea that could save lives, marriages and jobs.  There are undoubtedly people out there who are suffering from this disease who don't know it or who are afraid to bring it up to their doctor or loved ones.  If their doctor can proactively screen for it, perhaps those people can get the help they need.

You say, who cares, Tim?  Why are you using your blog, which is normally filled with funny or lighthearted recollections, to talk about something that nobody really wants to talk about.  I'm doing it because it's important.  I'm doing it for those of you who have suffered depression in the past, are dealing with it now or who may know someone who is.  I'm also doing it because I'm one of the aforementioned 10%.

I've always been a somewhat pensive and introspective person.  I'm the type of person who ruminates a great deal about things - what I could have or should have said or done differently.  As I've referenced in an earlier blog post, I struggle with my self-confidence and tend to beat myself up over things.  I'm not sure if those things make me more susceptible to depression or not.  At any rate, last summer, I really started to notice myself struggling with some of these things more than normal.  I had difficulty sleeping.  I lost 15 pounds.  My wife and co-workers started to take notice and ask if I was okay.  I brushed it off for a while, but as the weeks went on, I started to think something was wrong.  As a part of our company's corporate wellness intiatives, we had to fill out an online questionnaire, the results of which indicated that I was a moderate risk for depression.  Eventually, I decided that all of these signs were trying to tell me something and decided I need to seek help.

I went to my doctor in late September and after speaking to me for a while, discussing symptoms, etc., she put me on some medication.  I'm happy to report that I've been doing much better over the past several months.  My mind seems more at ease and I've been more chipper.  My wife says she can tell the difference, too.

A dear friend of mine who has past experience dealing with some of these same issues gave me a tip to keep in mind when dealing with depression.  I found it very insightful, so I wanted to share it with you as well:  Depression lies. Your brain is not in a normal thought pattern when depressed. The obsessions, the compulsions, the negativity, etc. All lies.  Depression doesn't care what your income is, what your faith is, what kind of car you drive or house you live in.  Look at me: I have a wonderful wife, two terrific kids and a good job that provides for my family.  My life is the picture of suburban bliss, but that doesn't make me immune to depression.

The point of sharing my story isn't to solicit sympathy or anything of that nature. I share it because I want everyone reading to know that it's okay to acknowledge that you may be suffering from depression - that you aren't alone.  If you're one of the 10%, don't be afraid to ask for help.  Don't be afraid to tell your spouse or parents or friends.  Don't be afraid to tell your doctor.  There are medications and therapies that can help you, that can make your life better.  On the other hand, if you are one of the 90%, be grateful!  But also be congnizant of those around you - family members, friends, co-workers - who may be suffering, who may be one of the 10%.   Don't be afraid to ask how they are doing and don't be afraid if they tell you they are struggling.  Offer your love, friendship, and support.  Let them know that they are not alone, that you will do whatever you can to help.  Those words could make all the difference; they might even save a life.

Thanks for reading.

Farewell to the Short Stack Girl

"Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives."  - John Galsworthy

My original plan was for this post to be about my two dogs, Allie and Yadi.  I was going to channel Charles Dickens' and title it "A Tale of Two Shih Tzus."  Then, a sad thing happened over the weekend: we had to make the difficult decision to put the older dog, Allie, to sleep.  So, now, I'll just focus on her and write more about Yadi in a future post.

My wife and I got Allie in the spring of 2001, when she was only 8 weeks old.  She was so little I could hold her in one hand and she could fit until the coffee table in our family room.  At the time, we lived in an apartment and we weren't supposed to have a dog.  However, we knew we were moving into a house in about a month, so we rolled the dice and lived like scofflaws for a few weeks.  Her bark was so quiet, we doubted anyone would be able to hear it anyway and we were good about taking her out to minimize the chances of accidents on the carpet.

After a few weeks, we moved into our first house and Allie got to enjoy having a fenced-in yard and a neighborhood through which we could take her on walks.  We settled into a nice routine, the three of us, and Allie quickly claimed her favorite spot in the house: curled up on the back of the couch like a cat.  She also loved curling up on the couch next to my wife, which became more difficult when my wife got pregnant.  Her growing belly slowly consumed the spot on the couch where Allie would curl up.

She loved to play fetch, tug of war, and, every so often, she'd get a spurt of energy and go sprinting in circles around the coffee table in the family room - time after time until she'd be out of breath.

One winter, my wife bought her a little winter coat to wear outside when it was cold.  She hated that coat!  One time, we put it on her and let her out in the backyard so that she could got to the bathroom in the snow.  She came back to the door a few minutes later - minus the hated coat.  I had to put on my boots and trudge out into the backyard in the snow to find the coat!

All of our lives changed for good when my son was born.  Allie sniffed every inch of him when we brought him home from the hospital but soon decided he was no threat.  In fact, she soon grew to love my son's mealtimes.  Because he would fling food around the kitchen when he was full, she discovered that mealtime for him meant a smorgasboard for her.

The two of them got along well; she never snapped or growled at him, even when he would be a little rougher with her than she'd like.

The following year, we moved again, into a bigger house at almost exactly the same time that my son started walking.  Allie had to learn the lay of the land in the new house -- with a bigger yard -- while also learning to deal with a newly mobile toddler.

The years brought more changes, including another kid, but Allie's habits and sweet disposition remained the same.  She loved popcorn, sleeping with us, and curling up for a nap on the back of the couch.  I also developed a number of nicknames for her, though my personal favorite was "Short Stack" owing to her short, little legs.

When I would get home from work, Allie would always be there to greet me.  She'd bark at me until I'd pick her up and then she'd howl and "talk" to me as I held her and petted her.  There was always something comforting in getting greeted like that.  During the winter, you could count on Allie to snuggle up next to you on the couch.  During the summer, you could always count on her sitting out on the deck with me while I cooked something on the barbecue grill.  That constant companionship was always wonderfully reassuring.

Over the years, she battled through some health problems - a bulging disc in her back that would flare up from time to time and, most recently, some eye problems that are common in shih tzus.  Those eye problems led to the removal of one of her eyes late last summer.  In recent weeks, we noticed similar problems with her other eye and, this weekend, she was clearly in discomfort.  We believe she had gone blind in her remaining eye.  Her quality of life was rapidly diminishing, so we made the difficult decision to put her to sleep.  She was almost 15 years old and she'd had a good, long life.  We decided to allow her to peacefully move on to a better place rather than suffer any more in this one. 

We all went to the vet's office on Saturday and said our final good byes.  There were a lot of tears shed, but we all felt like we were making the right decision.  As difficult as it was to say goodbye to Allie, the alternative of watching her suffer was even worse.

While Allie has gone on to chase squirrels in a better place, we're left with the fond memories of a sweet, gentle dog who enriched our lives for nearly 15 years.  We're forever grateful for the time we had her.  When we got her, my wife and I had been married for a year, had no kids and we lived in an apartment.  When she left us, my wife and I have been married for almost 16 years, we're on our second house, we have two kids and a second dog.  Our lives changed immeasurably during her time with us.  Many things changed, but the one constant was my sweet Short Stack Girl sleeping on the back of the couch.

Farewell, Allie.  Thanks for loving us unconditionally  and making our little corner of the world a better place.  I can only hope we made you as happy as you made us.

HR Follies (or How to Not Get a Job)

I have worked in the Human Resources field for the better part of 20 years.  During that time, I've been involved with the various different areas that fall within the broader HR spectrum: recruitment, employee relations, benefits, compensation, training, HRIS, etc.  Each area has it positives and negatives, but one common thread is that no two days in HR are the same.  I've lost count of the days when I came to work with a "To Do" list, spent 8 or 9 hours running around like a crazy person all day, only to realize at the end of the day that I didn't make a dent in my "To Do" list.  Such are the joys of a career built around people.

In my years in HR, something that has never ceased to amaze me are some of the things that job applicants write on applications, cover letters or resumes.  It's a wonder how some of these people are ever able to get a job!  For years, I've joked about writing a book about how to NOT get a job-- about what to NOT do when you are looking for a job.  While I haven't yet found the time to write that book, I thought I'd share some of the wacky examples via this blog.

All of these examples are 100% real; to quote Dave Barry, "I am not making this up."  All applicant names and company names have been omitted or modified to protect the identities of the guilty.

Enjoy!

TIP 1:  There's such a thing as being too honest.

[Applicant had previous experience as a bouncer at a nightclub and was applying for a job as a custodian.]

Application Question: What did you like best about your job?
Applicant Answer: The girls

Application Question: What did you like least about your job?
Applicant Answer: When drunk people would throw up on me 

The Golden Rules (TGR) Commentary:  Really?  You couldn't say tweak it and say that your favorite part of the job was, I don't know, "interacting with the public?"  Or that your least favorite part was "having to deal with disruptive customers?" 
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[This was the final two sentence in an applicant's cover letter for an Analyst position.  The entire letter was written in ALL CAPS but I will use correct case so that you, my dear readers, don't think I'm yelling at you.  All other grammatical errors and misspelled words are the applicant's mistakes that I have copied down verbatim.]

"The reason why I am applying for this position is that I think that I can do my best in a different environment instead of working behind a counter with customers nagging down your throat in front of your face about getting thier order wrong and it was all the customers fault.  So please help me on getting the best job that I can get to help me raise four children alone in this world."

TGR Commentary:  So, clearly it's a good thing that she's not applying for a customer service job, no?  But, hey fellas, it sounds like she's single!
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[Applicant filled out an application for "Customers Sales" job.]

Application Question: Have you ever been convicted of a felony?
Applicant Answer: Yes

Application Question: If yes, please explain.
Applicant Answer: Stealing unemployment by deceit that is all

TGR Commentary: I give him points for honesty, but perhaps he should be a little less descriptive.  Perhaps he should just say "stealing" or "fraud" rather than admitting that he was getting money via unemployment through deceptive means.  I also love the "that is all" qualifier.  But at least he has initiative, right?
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[Applicant filled out an application for a "Laborer" job.]

Application Question: Have you ever been convicted of a felony?
Applicant Answer: Yes

Application Question: If yes, please explain.
Applicant Answer: Assault but it wasn't my fault

TGR Commentary: It's generally never a good idea to play the victim card on your application.  However, I give him points for rhyming.

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[This is the first sentence of the cover letter.  Yes, it really is.  I swear.]

"I'm a 42 year old black mother of three and I need a job that will allow me to provide for my family."

TGR Commentary: AUGH!  You just told me everything I'm not supposed to know about an applicant in your first sentence!  I now know your age, race and parental status...and it's not like I can unread that!


TIP 2:  Proofread, always proofread.  (Also, spell check helps.)

[This is a cover letter for a person applying for a clerical job.  Verbatim.]

I am currently employed with South Western Bell Telephone.  I am a meeting expectation in all area such and safety, attendance, and efficiency in doing my job.  I am considered an asset to the company I work and will try to obtain the sam standard within your company.  I know how to take order and directions and give them as well.  I do adapt to differnet and environments well and work with others aas a team player.  If iven the opportunity to be offered a position within you company I will do the same thing.

Thank in advance

TGR Commentary: At least she did not list attention to detail as a strength!
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[This is the first item listed in the "Relevant Work Experience" section of a different applicant's resume.]

ACCOUNTANT ABC HEALLT CARE

TGR Commentary: I'm guessing she meant "Healthcare" not "Heallt Care".  Unfortunately for her (and unlike the poor soul above), she lists being a "detail-oriented person" on both her cover letter and the "Summary of Qualification" section of her resume.  Oops!  She also has a college degree.
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[This was in the address on the cover letter.]

Attn: IT RECUTIOR

[Same applicant, in the salutation on the cover letter.]

Dear IT RECURITOR

[Same applicant, first paragraph of the cover letter.]

I am a resent graduated from a local college with a degree in Information Systems-Computer Network Specialist.  I am searching for an employment opportunity with in your company to utilize my most recent learning experience.

TGR Commentary:  First of all, not only can this applicant not spell "recruiter," she is not even consistent in how she misspells it.  Spell check would have helped here.  Then, she spells "recent" two different ways in the same paragraph.  Sadly, spell check would not have helped her here.
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[In the education section of the resume.]

SOUTHERN ILLINIOS UNIVERSITY
Bachelors of Science in Mechanical Engineering Technology

SOUTHWESTERN ILLINIOS COLLEGE
Associates of Applied Science

TGR Commentary:  He spelled Illinois incorrectly two different times.  I'm fairly certain spell check would have helped.  But at least he's consistent!
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[Cover letter for an applicant for a Customer Service Representative position]

I am an experience Customer Service Representative with an excellent performace record for the pass 14 years at ABC Company.

I left ABC Company due to reducation of work force involving 20-25 employees in all areas of the Company.

The reducation in work force was cause to weak sales and loss profits over the last two years.

TGR Commentary:  Hmmm....can't imagine why this person would have been one of the employees that was let go during the reduction of the work force.


TIP 3: Know what words mean and use them correctly.

[Objective statement in the applicant's resume]

My goals are to evangelize a company and its services through a business relations and development role.

TGR Commentary: "To evangelize a company?"  What the heck does that mean? 
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[Second sentence of a cover letter]

I currently have six years of retail buying experience and am looking to transcend those skills into your industry.

TGR Commentary:  I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that he doesn't know what "transcend" means.  I'm guessing he meant to say "transfer," but I can't be sure.


TIP 4: If you're not capable of spelling or proofreading, please get assistance from someone who can. 

[Applicant filled out an application for a field-based job.]

Application Question: List qualifying skills for the position.
Applicant Answer: I do not have eney skills for this jobe but if you give me a chanse at this jobe i will be the best that i cane be becuse i ame a verey harde working person.

This applicant also attended "XYZ Siner High School."

TGR Commentary: I'm not even going to say anything about this one.  It makes me sad.
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[This last one is epic.  Over the years, this applicant has applied at our company dozens of times, always with the same resume and cover letter with the same wacky mistakes.]

In the Skills/Qualfications section of the resume, he lists (among others), these "skills":

Hot cold winner
Street Walking
Capable
Performance/Excellence
Extensive.

In the Work History section, beneath his actual work history, he lists this:

Baseball Player Philadelphia Phillips Farm Club Philadelphia

[Same applicant's cover letter - verbatim.  All words and punctuation - or lack thereof - are exactly how it is on the cover letter.  I recommend reading it out loud.  See how far you can make it before you start laughing.]

Dear ABC Company caught my attention, my achievements and Background I can help Your company like be on time worker overtime lean and grow with you and adept Well changes around The Utility Company for further to come, team player for you self start and part of team for the futher come, I can be good ideally suite for a open in the Laborer worker or Meter Reader you in futher to come, Achievement the company worker gold in around the company be safety employee for you, my gold Worker grow and lean company in futher to come, I would like to have change to meet and greet you as Well as working with the company on the professional level, Thank you.

My enclosed resume provides additional detail

Thank you I am confident that a personal interview will give you a clearer indication of my abilities week so we may discuss my qualifications as they relate to your needs.

TGR Commentary: Again, I almost don't want to say anything about this one because, God bless his soul, he's trying.  Having said that, the cover letter makes no sense.  What's up the the frequent use of the phrase "in futher to come?"  I suspect the last sentence was lifted from somewhere else because it sounds much more coherent than the rest of the letter.  Also, I'm not sure what sort of skill a "Hot cold winner" is and I recommend not listing "Street Walking" as a skill on one's resume.
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I have more where those came from, but I will save them for a future post.  I hope reading this gave you a chuckle and put a smile on your face.

As always, thanks for reading!

The "Mini-Mes"

Before my wife and I ever had kids, we used to joke about having "mini-mes" - a boy who looked like me and a girl who looked like her.  Lo and behold, all of these years later, that's exactly what we have.  It's not just that they look like us; their personalities are so similar, it's almost scary.

You'll recall from an earlier blog post that my son is 12 and in the 7th grade.  While I don't necessarily see the resemblance in our faces (aside from the dark hair and mole under our left eye), I'm told it's there so I have to take everyone else's word for it.  His body type and build are definitely like mine.  He's skinny and short for his age; I was also always skinny and a little small for my age.  In fact, my nicknames in 6th grade were "Pee Wee" and "Ethiopian."  (If you don't believe me, I could dig up my 6th grade yearbook, in which someone wrote "To the nicest toothpick I've ever known.")  His skinny arms and bird legs remind me of my own that, in spite of working out and running on a regular basis, are still skinnier than I'd like.

While he has always enjoyed sports, he's never been a particularly good athlete, especially in team sports.  I was always the same way.  I always WANTED to be good at sports, but I was usually the last kid picked for kickball at recess.  He has shown some promise in individual sports (especially tennis), while my best sport was probably racquetball, another individual sport.  He has always had a strong sense of right and wrong and wanted to obey the rules; I was -- and still am -- the same way.  He hates when people cut in line or bend the rules for their own benefit; I'm the same way.  (Yes, buddy, I see you over there, trying to merge at the last minute even though you've known for a mile that your lane was ending.  And, no, I'm not going to let you in.  You should have waited in line like everybody else.  And, now I'm getting the finger?  You have a good day, too!)  My son is often scared to try new things - whether it be roller coasters or riding a bike - but once he overcomes that fear, he loves those things.  I was the same way.  I didn't ride my first big roller coaster - the Screamin' Eagle - until I was in middle school and got peer pressured to do so by my brother.  Once I rode it, I loved it and rode it several more times that day.  My son didn't ride his first big roller coaster - American Thunder - until he was in middle school and got peer pressured to do so by his best friend.  He loved it and rode it several more times that day

He's a sensitive boy who takes things personally and tends to fret and be a worry wart.  I was the same way as a kid and, really, I'm still that way as an adult.  (I was going to say "middle-aged person" but apparently referring to myself as middle-aged causes people to freak out, even though I am statistically the definition of middle-aged. :) But I digress...)  He's a good student who is his own biggest critic and doubter, traits that I still struggle with to this very day.  When he is around people he doesn't know, he's very shy and quiet.  However, once he gets to know you, he'll talk your ear off and will be very animated.  Those who know me well will say the exact same thing about me.  He's not one to be invited to the big social gatherings and neither was I.  (I can't refer to parties, yet, because he's only 12.)  While he knows a lot of people and gets along pretty well with almost everyone, he has a fairly small group of friends that he's very close to and with whom he spends most of his time.  I've always been that way, too, as I'm sure some of you reading this can definitely confirm.

In some ways, having a son so much like me bothers me, because I see a lot of the things I don't like about myself in him: the fear of new things, the self-doubt and self-criticism.  I want to somehow convince him to let go of those things and have faith in himself.  In other ways, though, it's really cool having a son so much like me, because I know that, at his core, he's a good kid who is going to make good choices as he grows up.  I turned out pretty well, so I don't have too many concerns that he will turn out pretty well, too.

My daughter is a spitten image of my wife, both in looks and personality.  They are both blue-eyed blondes who have bubbly, effervescent personalities.  They are definitely glass half full people who have huge hearts.  My wife shows her heart every day - both in how she cares for our family at home and in how she cares for her students at work.  She is a special education teacher, a job that can be difficult and draining but also very rewarding.  My daughter says she wants to be a teacher, too, just like her mom, grandma and aunt.  She shows her heart in how she cares about and treats her friends and others.  Every teacher my daughter has had so far has talked about her heart and how she is a positive influence in the classroom with her fellow classmates.  They refer to her as a leader who is always willing to help others.  When one of my college friends came to visit in December, my daughter- without any prodding for me or anyone else- drew her a picture Christmas card.  It was a sweet gesture that was unexpected but a perfect glimpse into the kind of person that she is.

My daughter has a rather large group of friends and she is usually at the center of the group, owing again to her strong personality.  My wife always had a large group of friends growing up and she is the common thread in a couple of different groups of ladies now that regularly get together for dinner and drinks.  Whereas my son is afraid to try new things, my daughter has hardly any fear.  She first rode the Screamin' Eagle when she was 5.  When we went to White Water in Branson, she rode the speed slides - those slides that go straight down for several stories - when she was only 6 and when kids twice her age were chickening out in line ahead of us.  While it took weeks and weeks of practice and prodding for my son to learn to ride his bike, my daughter basically taught herself to ride her bike the first day we took the training wheels off.  They actually learned to ride their bikes the very same day!  While I was cheering my son on when he had finally managed to ride his bike around the cul-de-sac, I heard my daughter say "Hey, Daddy!  Look!"  I turned around and saw her riding her bike as well.  My wife has a willingness to roll the dice and try new things (she's done several home improvement projects that have all turned out great) and has a positive, "I can do it" attitude.  My daughter is the same way. She is willing to try almost anything, which is how we sometimes wind up with basketball, soccer, softball and dance all the same week.  My wife and daughter both enjoy watching HGTV, to the point where my daughter asks my wife if we have any episodes of "Fixer Upper" on DVR that she can watch!

When I look at my daughter, I can totally see her being just like my wife when she is an adult.  A beautiful, fun loving, caring, big hearted woman who balances the demands of life while somehow almost always keeping a smile on her face.

As you can tell, I'm a proud papa who feels incredibly blessed to have two great kids...as well as a wonderful wife.  While I'm sure there will be times when my kids will have me pulling out my hair as they grow up (especially my daughter), I'm also confident that they will both turn out to be genuinely good human beings, which is basically all I can ask for as a parent, right?

Thanks for reading!