In 1974, Jimmy Buffett had a hit song with "A Pirate Looks at Forty," a bittersweet tale of a washed-up smuggler who bemoans the fact that he wasn't born 200 years earlier, when piracy was a more viable way of life. Seeing as how the song was released the year I was born and I was searching for a title for this blog post, I'm engaging in a bit of plagiarism. Forgive me. It's not like Jimmy Buffett needs the royalties.
At any rate, I turned 45 a few months ago. 45 is a weird age. It's unquestionably middle-aged. You're not young anymore, but you're also not old. You're 20+ years removed from college but still 15 or 20 years away from retirement. You're not the new kid on the block at work, but you're also not the grizzled veteran with a plethora of war stories. (However, I will submit that, having worked at the same company for 18+ years and being one of the most senior employees in my department, I'm rapidly becoming the latter.) You are less concerned with your salary (though that's still very important) like you were at the beginning of your career and more concerned with 401ks, IRAs, pensions and health insurance after retirement. You've likely done and seen a lot of things, but you may also begin to fret about doing and seeing the things you have not so far.
45 is an even weirder age when you're a parent. You no longer have to worry about your kids' diapers and daycare. Instead, you worry about your kids' driving and dating. You no longer worry about your kids and their ABCs, but rather you worry about your kids and their GPAs and ACTs. Instead of worrying about how to pay for daycare or afterschool care, you're worrying about how to pay for college. Your kids are becoming more and more independent (especially in the case of my son, who now has a driver's license and a part-time job) but they still have to rely on you for a lot of things. You're closer to an empty nest than you are to having newborns and toddlers, but your house is still full, even though your dinner table is typically less so due to your kids' jobs, practices, and friends. It's a time of transition for your kids and, by extension, you. You have to learn to let go a bit and let your kids spread their wings, while at the same time ensuring that their school work gets done and curfews are met. You want to give them the freedom to make their own choices while still wanting to protect them from the bad ones.
Don't get me wrong - I'm incredibly fortunate to have a terrific wife, two great kids and a good job. I'm not suffering a mid-life crisis. I'm not wearing chains and open-collared shirts while I drive my expensive convertible. (Though, in the interest of full disclosure, my wife and I did buy a convertible earlier this year. We call it our "fun car," but it's a VW bug and nothing too ostentatious.) It's just that 45 is a weird age and I suspect some of you are feeling some of the same things I am. It's always good to know that you're not alone and that there are others out there dealing with some of the same issues you face, so I guess that's why I felt like sharing this. I hope you don't mind.
For those of you who aren't 45 yet, just wait. You'll see what I'm talking about soon enough.
Thanks for reading.
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