About a year ago, I shared a list of my favorite Christmas songs. I considered following that up this year with a list my least favorite Christmas songs, but it's really a pretty short list. Instead, I thought I'd revise my least favorite Christmas song and update it with new lyrics that make it better...and certainly more relevant to the world in 2018.
The song? "The Twelve Days of Christmas." I genuinely dislike this song. It's not "Macarena" level hatred, mind you, but I really dislike it. Why? Because it stinks. It's repetitive. It has no chorus and not much of a melody. It's just the same thing over and over again and the list of gifts that the writer gets from his/her "true love" blows. Maids milking? Lords leaping? Ladies dancing? And what's with all of the birds? Swans, geese, calling birds, French hens, turtle doves, and a partridge? Can you imagine the stench and racket at your house if those were the gifts you received for Christmas? And if you're going to give me some birds, at least give me some turkeys or chickens or ducks or something that I can cook and that tastes good.
With that in mind, I present my updated list of gifts to make it more relevant and accessible to folks today. I've left the repetition and redundant style of the song alone because, while I can sing and make up lyrics, I can't write music or play any instruments.
Here we go...
On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me-
12 months of Netflix
11 Uber rides
10 crazy socks
9 Amazon gift cards
8 Chick-fil-A nuggets
7 Starbucks lattes
6 pack of craft beer
5 smart phones
4 Bluetooth speakers
3 Flat screen TVs
2 wireless headphones
and a wi-fi hotspot with 5G
Wouldn't you agree that these gifts are a LOT better than a bunch of smelly birds?
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