Remembering Doug Hopkins

"The past is gone but something might be found to take its place." - Doug Hopkins

This month marks the 25th anniversary of the death of a talented but tortured musician that marked the end of one of the more bizarre and tragic rock 'n roll stories.  No, I'm not talking about Kurt Cobain.  I'm talking about someone who died exactly four months PRIOR to Cobain.  I'm talking about Doug Hopkins.  While the name Doug Hopkins may not immediately ring a bell, if you are a fan of '90s music at all, I'm fairly certain you're familiar with his work.  Hopkins was the founder, original lead guitarist and one of the primary songwriters of '90s rock band Gin Blossoms.  He was the mastermind behind such huge hits as "Hey Jealousy" and "Found Out About You," two singles that helped propel Gin Blossoms' major label debut New Miserable Experience, to more than four million copies sold.  Seeing as how it's now been 25 years since his untimely death and seeing as how the band is soon going on the road to play the entire New Miserable Experience album live, I thought it would be a good time to pay tribute to a gifted artist whose demons got the better of him at what should have been the pinnacle of success.

Hopkins had struggled with chronic depression since his childhood and, as he got older, he turned to alcohol to self medicate.  By the time Gin Blossoms was becoming one of the biggest bands in the Southwest and was gaining attention from major record labels, Hopkins was a full blown alcoholic.  There were reports that, during the recording of New Miserable Experience, there were times he could hardly stand in the studio.  Hopkins was leery of selling his music to a major label, whereas the rest of the bad was excited by the prospect.  Record label representatives were simultaneously interested in signing and promoting the band while being concerned about Hopkins' mental state.  His anxiety about signing to a major record label led to more stubborn drunkenness.  Eventually being faced with the prospect of either firing Hopkins from the band or being dropped by the label, the rest of the band fired him.  The band and label also withheld money owed to Hopkins until he agreed to sign over half of his publishing royalties.  Because of his dire financial situation (due, in part, to his depression and alcoholism), he had little choice but to agree to the terms.

Several months after Hopkins was fired from the band, New Miserable Experience began climbing the charts, largely on the strength of songs authored by Hopkins.  This success (which resulted in Hopkins being given a gold record for "Hey Jealousy") only caused Hopkins to become more withdrawn and despondent.  In late 1993, he finally sought help for his addiction, but during his early days of treatment, he committed suicide.

Gin Blossoms are largely known for their jangly guitars and hooky, sing along choruses.  But if you dig a little deeper, you'll notice that, beneath the upbeat music and catchy melodies, there are somber lyrics of loneliness, isolation and heartbreak.

For example, take "Hey Jealousy," the band's first hit and one of their most recognizable songs.  On its surface, its about kids out on a joy ride, running from the police.  But a closer listen to the lyrics reveals lines such as "If you don't expect too much from me, you might not be let down" and "Cause all I really want is to be with you, feeling like I matter too."  The narrator is engaging in negative self talk and seeking self worth in the opinions of others, things that are common signs of depression.

Likewise, "Found Out About You," a tune about a cheating girlfriend who dumped the narrator without telling him, paints a picture of quiet sadness and desperation: "Streetlights blink on through the car window/I get the time too often on AM radio/You know it's all I think about/I write your name, drive past your house."

Digging into some of Hopkins' less well known tunes, "Lost Horizons" deals with drinking and an indifferent lover: "Drink enough of anything to make this world look new again" and "She had nothing left to say, so she said she loved me/And I stood there grateful for the lie."  Meanwhile, "Hold Me Down" is probably the hardest rocking song in the Gin Blossoms catalog and it's also one of Hopkins' darkest lyrics.  The entire song is about being alone even when you're at a party surrounded by friends and others ("when you're in the company of strangers or just the strangers you call friends") and it is clearly both an frustrated acknowledgement of his addiction ("I can't remember why I like this feeling when it always seems to let me down") and a plea asking for people to help save him from himself ("When those doors swing open and all the drinks are passed around/Anytime the pickins look too easy, hold me down.")

Considering Hopkins' ultimate fate, the last of his solo compositions on New Miserable Experience - "Pieces of the Night" - is particularly poignant.  It includes the line "But you wanted to be where you are/But it looked much better from afar," which is a bit of Hopkins' career in a nutshell.  He longed to have a gold record but when he finally got one, it was after he was fired from the band and was destitute.  It was reported in a story about Hopkins' life that, upon receiving the gold record for "Hey Jealousy," hung it up on his wall for a few weeks, only to then take it down and destroy it.  Less than two weeks later, he took his life.

While some other '90s musicians who have committed suicide or died due to overdoses (Kurt Cobain, Layne Staley, Scott Weiland, Chris Cornell) have frequently been honored or lauded for the music they left behind, Doug Hopkins has typically been relegated to little more than a footnote in the success of a band that made it big largely on his creative abilities.  His demons deprived him of the enjoyment of that success and it likely deprived the world of more jangly, catchy rock songs.

As I've mentioned in previous blog posts, New Miserable Experience is my favorite album of all time, owing largely to Hopkins' skill as both a musician and a lyricist.  As someone who has dealt with depression and self doubt in the past, I can relate to many of his lyrics, even if I have thankfully avoided some of the demons he wasn't able to overcome.

Rest In Peace, Doug Hopkins.  Your music still lives on and is still appreciated, even a quarter of a century after you headed for that last horizon.  When the band you started tours in the coming months and plays songs you wrote live in concert, you can be assured that sold out crowds will be singing along with the songs you wrote.  Wherever you are, I hope you may get some peace and satisfaction from that.

The 12 Days of Christmas - 2018 Edition

About a year ago, I shared a list of my favorite Christmas songs.  I considered following that up this year with a list my least favorite Christmas songs, but it's really a pretty short list.  Instead, I thought I'd revise my least favorite Christmas song and update it with new lyrics that make it better...and certainly more relevant to the world in 2018.

The song? "The Twelve Days of Christmas."  I genuinely dislike this song.  It's not "Macarena" level hatred, mind you, but I really dislike it.  Why? Because it stinks.  It's repetitive.  It has no chorus and not much of a melody.  It's just the same thing over and over again and the list of gifts that the writer gets from his/her "true love" blows.  Maids milking?  Lords leaping? Ladies dancing?  And what's with all of the birds? Swans, geese, calling birds, French hens, turtle doves, and a partridge?  Can you imagine the stench and racket at your house if those were the gifts you received for Christmas?  And if you're going to give me some birds, at least give me some turkeys or chickens or ducks or something that I can cook and that tastes good.

With that in mind, I present my updated list of gifts to make it more relevant and accessible to folks today.  I've left the repetition and redundant style of the song alone because, while I can sing and make up lyrics, I can't write music or play any instruments.

Here we go...

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me-

12 months of Netflix
11 Uber rides
10 crazy socks
9 Amazon gift cards
8 Chick-fil-A nuggets
7 Starbucks lattes
6 pack of craft beer
5 smart phones
4 Bluetooth speakers
3 Flat screen TVs
2 wireless headphones
and a wi-fi hotspot with 5G

Wouldn't you agree that these gifts are a LOT better than a bunch of smelly birds?