Ranking the One-Hit Wonders of the '80s

Every decade has its share of so-called "one-hit wonders" - songs by a band or artist who manage to produce one big hit song, only to never again duplicate the feat.  However, I submit that the decade of the 1980s had more than most decades.  Many of them were by New Wave bands from Europe who may have had more success in other countries, but only one big hit in the U.S.

With that in mind, here is my ranking of the "one-hit wonders" of the '80s.  For the purposes of this list, my definition of "one-hit wonder" is a band/artist who had only one top 20 hit on the U.S. charts. 

Here we go...starting with the worst "one-hit wonder" of the '80s and working our way up to the best and grouping them into some subcategories along the way.

WHAT WE WERE THINKING?

42. Biz Markie - "Just a Friend" (#9 on the Hot 100 in 1989) - A song by a guy with a speech impediment who can neither sing nor rap.  I still think this song was popular only because it was sooo bad.

41. Toni Basil - "Mickey" (#1 in 1982) - An odd, repetitious cheerleader chant song that is as catchy as it is annoying.  I also blame the success of this song for inspiring one of the dumbest hit songs of all time, "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani.

40. Musical Youth - "Pass the Dutchie" (#10 in 1982) - Did you know that this song is about passing pot around, even though they changed some of the lyrics to obscure that fact?  I didn't.

39. Taco - "Puttin' On The Ritz" (#4 in 1983) - Did you know that this is actually a cover of a song originally written in 1929 by Irving Berlin, the same guy who wrote "White Christmas" and "God Bless America"?  In fact, when the song hit the Top Ten, it made Berlin (who was 95 at the time) the oldest songwriter to have a song in the Top Ten.  Weird but true.  Maybe Taco would have had more hits if he'd made synth pop covers of more 50 year old songs.

38. Don Johnson - "Heartbeat" (#5 in 1986) - In the '80s, lots of TV and movie stars tried their hand at music.  Of all of those efforts, this one is the worst.  Crockett should have stuck with chasing down drug dealers while driving expensive Italian cars.  These days, he's probably more well known as the father of the cute girl in all of those trashy mainstream S&M movies that I've never seen.

37. Eddie Murphy - "Party All the Time" (#2 in 1985) - Another actor cum singer, this song is marginally better than the #38 song, thanks largely to the involvement of Rick James.  At least this one is a little bit catchy, even if Eddie's singing is about as embarrassing as his acting career trajectory in the '90s.

36. Thomas Dolby - "She Blinded Me With Science" (#5 in 1982) - A bizarre, synthesizer-laden song that occasionally features a "mad scientist" (who was an actual scientist from England) periodically blurting out "Science!"  It's unique for sure but not necessarily good.  This one of the rare new wave songs that was actually more successful in the U.S. than it was in the UK.


I ACTUALLY DON'T REMEMBER HEARING THESE IN THE '80s, SO HOW GOOD COULD THEY REALLY BE?

35. Baltimora - "Tarzan Boy" (#13 in 1986) - This song uses Tarzan's cry as part of the melody. Enough said.

34. Godley & Creme - "Cry" (#16 in 1985) - I remember some of the videos they directed in the 1980s (especially for The Police and Duran Duran), but I don't remember this song.

33. Paul Hardcastle - "19" (#15 in 1985) - I hear this one on 1st Wave on SiriusXM sometimes but, without that, I wouldn't remember this one, either.


FINALLY.  SOME HALFWAY DECENT SONGS THAT I ACTUALLY REMEMBER HEARING.

32. Gary Numan - "Cars" (#9 in 1980) - No chorus and an robotic, expressionless vocal delivery is somewhat redeemed by some catchy synthesizer hooks.

31. Frankie Goes to Hollywood - "Relax" (#10 in 1983) - This one has to be one of the dirtiest hit songs ever, right?  I mean, there's not much subtlety here.

30. Grover Washington, Jr. - "Just the Two of Us" (#2 in 1981) - This is one of the best soft rock/soft jazz numbers of the '80s.  Every time I hear it, I'm transported back to the dentist office where it was piped in for years after its release.

29. Bobby McFerrin - "Don't Worry, Be Happy" (#1 in 1988) - I struggled with where to rank this one.  On the hand, it's a little annoying - almost too upbeat (if there is such a thing.)  On the other hand, it DOES have a positive message and it was the first a cappella song to hit #1 and all of the "instruments" are actually vocals and noises made by McFerrin, which is kind of impressive.  So, we'll split the vote and put it 1/3 of the way down the list.  Disagree?  Don't worry - be happy that I didn't rank it lower.

28. The Vapors - "Turning Japanese" (#36 in 1980) - Technically, this one doesn't meet my own criteria for "one-hit wonder" since it peaked at #36 on the charts, but I'm including it anyway because it was truly their only hit song.  It has a cool Asian guitar riff, which is a plus.  It may or may not be about...uhhh....self pleasure, which is a negative.  If that is, indeed, the subject, it's still nowhere as good as "Blister in the Sun" by Violent Femmes or "Longview" by Green Day.

27. Swing Out Sister - "Breakout" (#6 in 1986) - Did you know that this band is named after a 1945 movie and they chose it because it was the only thing they could agree on - they all hated it.  The song is better than the band's name.  Points for the horns, though.

26. Rockwell - "Somebody's Watching Me" (#2 in 1984) - The verses are primarily spoken by Rockwell, while the chorus is sung by Michael Jackson (with backing vocals by Jermaine Jackson).  It's an odd mix, but it works.  Bonus points for the whackadoodle, horror flick video, too.

25. Chris de Burgh - "The Lady in Red" (#3 in 1987) - Chances are good that you either LOVE this song or HATE this song.  You either think it is a powerful love song or a schmaltzy pile of easy listening crap.  I'm actually one of the few people who straddle the fence between love and hate, so it winds up close to the middle of our list.


FAMOUS STARS WHO ALSO SING PRETTY WELL (or at least better than Don Johnson and Eddie Murphy)

24. Jack Wagner - "All I Need" (#2 in 1984) - Our 2nd entry by an '80s actor heartthrob (and 3rd entry by an actor).  This was is decidedly better than Don Johnson's and Eddie Murphy's entries, even if it is a little schmaltzy.  But, hey, we needed to slow song for the couple's skate at the roller rink, right?

23. Patrick Swayze - "She's Like the Wind" (#3 in 1988) - Another song by an actor and another big hit. This one gets the nudge since Swayze not only sang it but also co-wrote it and it was part of one of the biggest movie soundtracks of all time.


NOW WE'RE STARTING TO HIT OUR STRIDE (pun intended)

22. Michael Sembello - "Maniac" (#1 in 1983) - A big hit from a big movie ("Flashdance"), I dare you to listen to this song and NOT think about Jennifer Beale training and dancing in her warehouse apartment while wearing leg warmers.

21. Lipps Inc. - "Funkytown" (#1 in 1980) - It's got a good beat and you can dance to it.  A good bridge from the disco of the late '70s to the synthesizer-dominated new wave sounds of the early '80s.

20. Matthew Wilder - "Break My Stride" (#5 in 1983) - It's an upbeat, positive little ditty that manages to rhyme "China" and "find ya" in the first verse and "rocky" and "cocky" in the second verse.  It has a nice reggae/calypso beat that makes it unique.  This is probably one of the lesser known songs on this list.  Call it a hidden gem, I guess.

19. Nena - "99 Luftballons" (#2 in 1984) - Two versions of this song were released in the U.S. - one in German ("99 Luftballons") and one in English ("99 Red Balloons").  Interestingly, the German version was more popular, hitting #2 on the charts, while the English version didn't even chart.  Both versions feature prominent synthesizer lines and lyrics about a nuclear war caused by some children's balloons. Yikes.

18. Madness - "Our House" (#7 in 1983) - A fun little working class song featuring prominent horns.  When I was a kid, I always wondered why they'd build their house in the middle of the street.

17. The Dream Academy - "Life in a Northern Town" (#7 in 1985) - A solemn, evocative song with very nice vocal harmonies and a unique structure.  In a time when synthesizers dominated pop music, this song was a nice change of pace.

16. After the Fire - "Der Kommisar" (#5 in 1983) - This is actually an English language cover of the song in German by Falco.  I have no idea what it's about in whichever language it's performed, but the chorus is catchy (Don't turn around! Wha-OH!).  Part of the reason that After the Fire was a one-hit wonder?  They'd actually broken up in 1982, before this song became popular in the U.S.

15. Love and Rockets - "So Alive" (#3 in 1989) - One of the few rock songs on the list, I figured this band was going to be huge.  I was wrong.

14. Kajagoogoo - "Too Shy" (#5 in 1983) - Another new wave, synth pop gem with a catchy chorus.  Come on, you just sang "Too shy shy! Hush hush, eye to eye!", right?  Kajagoogoo had a few other hits across the pond, but this was it for them in the U.S.

13. Devo - "Whip It" (#14 in 1980) - This is undoubtedly one of the stranger songs and videos to ever become a hit.  Who can forget the weird flower pot hats, safety glasses and whip sound effects?  Odd though it may be, it was undisputedly a huge hit that helped define new wave music as the 1970s morphed into the 1980s.


SOME OVERLOOKED GEMS

12. Edie Brickell & New Bohemians (#7 in 1988) - A funky number that sounded different than almost everything else on the radio in the late '80s, it allowed Mrs. Paul Simon to have one big hit before going back into relative obscurity.

11.  When in Rome - "The Promise" (#11 in 1989) - This song is less well known than most of these one-hit wonders, but I've always really liked it.  It was one of the last new wave/synth pop songs of the decade.  It has a good pulsing dance beat and a great chorus with lyrics that say what I had wanted to say at times growing up - a friend who wanted to be more.  I encourage you to check out the lyrics and spin this tune when you get the chance.  You won't be disappointed.

10. The Jeff Healey Band - "Angel Eyes" (#5 in 1989) - This is a song that rarely if ever gets played on the radio on an '80s channel and it's a shame because it is an excellent song.  A blues rock number featuring the unique guitar playing of Jeff Healey (who was blind), the lyrics by John Hiatt are some that any guy who has truly been in love can relate to.  I think it sometimes slips through the cracks because it came out at the very tail end of the '80s and didn't fit into the new wave/synth pop or hair band buckets that typically get airtime when you're talking about the '80s.


JUST OUTSIDE THE BIGGEST HITS

9. Johnny Hates Jazz - "Shattered Dreams" (#5 in 1988) - "You've given me, given me nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams, feel like I could run away, run away from this empty heart."  You just sang it as you read it, didn't you?  It's okay to admit it because this song as catchy as heck.

8. The Church - "Under the Milky Way" (#24 on the Hot 100, #2 on the Mainstream Rock charts in 1988) - This song's ethereal, dreamy sound is a perfect fit for the title. It has a little touch of psychedelia in it as well, what with the guitar solo that sounds like bagpipes.  It is an underrated slice of alternative rock in the pre-grunge era of the late 1980s.

7. Peter Schilling - "Major Tom (Coming Home)" (#14 in 1983) - This song is an unofficial sequel to David Bowie's Major Tom character from his 1969 song "Space Oddity."  It's about an astronaut stranded in outer space following an accident.  Sing it with me now: "Earth below us, drifting, falling, floating weightless..."

6. 'Til Tuesday - "Voices Carry" (#4 in 1985) - In the 1980s, music videos and MTV were often a large component of a song's success and this song is a good example of that.  The video, which visually told the story in support of the lyrics about an abusive relationship, was a perfect example of what made MTV great back in its nascent years.  A well-made, creative video that helps to bring more exposure to a terrific song.  Who can forget when Aimee Mann takes of her hat during a performance at Carnegie Hall, revealing spiky hair and a rat tail when she slowly sings louder and louder? This is one of my favorite videos from the '80s, as well as one of my favorite songs from that era.


THE MONSTER, TIMELESS HITS THAT SCREAM "I LOVE THE '80s!"

5. Soft Cell - "Tainted Love" (#8 in 1981) - Did you know that this is actually a cover of a soul song that was originally written and recorded in the mid-1960s?  It was never successful until English duo Soft Cell did a remake of it in the early 1980s, when it became of the first big new wave hits.  The now iconic synthesizer line is instantly recognizable and who can't relate to the notion of a love gone bad?  This is a song that I think was played at every dance I went to in college (which was more than a decade after its release), so it's had staying power for a long, long time. DUH DUH duh duh duh duh duh duh...

4. Dexys Midnight Runners - "Come On Eileen" (#1 in 1983) - It was a unique song with a unique structure.  It was a mix of Celtic folk, soul and new wave featuring prominent fiddles.  It has tempo and key changes, made up words and, in the verses, largely unintelligible lyrics.  The chorus is the singer's attempt pick up or seduce Eileen, while admitting that he's having dirty thoughts about her.  It doesn't quite sound like anything else from the early '80s but it was without a doubt a massive hit.  Also, don't forget about the video, which featured the band singing on a street corner while all wearing matching overalls!  Another indication that it was a timeless '80s hit was that it was covered by a punk/ska band in the late '90s.  In this case, it was Save Ferris and they substituted horns for the fiddle portions and sped up the tempo to more of a breakneck pace. 

3. Tommy Tutone - "867-5309/Jenny" (#4 on the Hot 100, #1 on the Mainstream Rock charts in 1982) - Perhaps one of the finest examples of power pop of all time, this song caused hell for anyone who had the 867-5309 phone number for years after its release, as they would get phone calls with people asking for Jenny.  It was an upbeat, catchy rock number with an infectious chorus featuring the titular phone number. "Eight six seven five three oh ni-ee-yine."  30+ years after its release, everyone still knows whose number that is, which is a testament to this song's staying power.  While other power pop bands like The Romantics had multiple hits on the charts during the '80s, Tommy Tutone was a one-and-done deal, with the band breaking up in 1984.

2. A-ha - "Take On Me" (#1 in 1985) - I really struggled with how to rank these final two songs because they are both GREAT songs and perfect examples of the new wave sound that permeates this list and permeated the radios of America in the 1980s.  This particular song has the famous fast keyboard lines and the sing along chorus that starts low and gets higher and higher until the end of the chorus is sung falsetto.  Even my daughter, who frequently criticizes my taste in music as tween girls are apt to do with their middle-aged fathers, thinks this song is good.  It also gave us what is, in my opinion, the best short form music video ever made.  It features rotoscoping and intertwining live action and animated scenes.  This is another song that illustrated the power of music videos and MTV in the '80s, as it's doubtful this song would be as well known as it is without the groundbreaking video.  Similar to our #4 selection above, this song was covered by a punk/ska band in the late '90s.  In this case, it was Reel Big Fish and they substituted horns for the synthesizer hook.  A-ha has had numerous hit songs in Europe over the years, but this was their only big hit in the U.S.

1. Modern English - "I Melt With You" (#7 on the Mainstream Rock charts in 1983) - Our #1 song is another timeless piece of new wave music and one of those songs that is still played frequently on '80s stations.  Interestingly, even though the song is considered one of the biggest hits of the '80s, it never even hit the Top 40, instead peaking at 78 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1983.  It was, however, a Top 10 hit on the Mainstream Rock charts.  While most new wave music in the '80s was dominated by synthesizers, this one is primarily based around electric and acoustic guitars.  It's officially about a couple making love while an atomic bomb is dropped.  However, you can also interpret the lyrics to simply be about two lovers clinging to one another while the world falls apart around them.  As a testament to the timelessness and status of the song as one of the best of the decade, it has been covered countless times, been featured in multiple movies and been used in TV commercials to sell everything from burgers to candy to cars.  Oh yeah, it was also covered by late '90s band Bowling for Soup.  Not only is this the best one-hit wonder of the '80s, it's one of the best songs from the '80s period.

There you have it - my ranking of the one-hit wonders of the 1980s.  Are there any you disagree with?  Which song would top your list?  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time, to quote Casey Kasem, "keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars."

Thanks for reading!