A big part of being a parent is worrying. From the moment you find out that you're pregnant (and by you're I'm referring jointly to both mom and dad) until, presumably, you die, you worry about your kids. It's just that over time, what you worry about changes. I was reminded of this again last week when my son got his learner's permit and this past weekend, when I took him for his first driving lesson.
When you're pregnant, you worry about having a healthy baby. That you won't have a miscarriage. That your baby will have ten fingers and toes, etc. Pregnant women spend large amounts of money on prenatal vitamins and healthy eating and forego some of the other things they enjoy (caffeine, alcohol, etc.) to, in part, ensure that they have a healthy baby. Once the baby is here and he or she is healthy and they do, in fact, have the requisite number of fingers and toes, you worry about them hitting all of the milestones they are supposed to hit as infants and then toddlers. Reaching for things. Rolling over on their own. Pulling themselves up. Walking. Crawling. All of those things that show up in books like "What to Expect During the First Year."
Once you get past those hurdles, you start to be more concerned with their cognitive abilities and social skills. Are they learning their colors and letter and numbers? Are they able to get along with other kids and make friends? Will they be ready for kindergarten when they are 5? Parents worry about all of these things often. Meanwhile, their little ones are oblivious to mom and dad's concerns and are instead focused on playing and exploring.
As their kids move on through elementary school and into middle school and high school, parents start to worry about their kids making friends with "good kids" and not fall in with the "wrong crowd." Parents worry about their kids getting into booze or drugs. As kids sometimes get sullen in their teenage years and less willing to communicate with their parents, parents thus worry about what is going on in their kids' heads. Are they happy? Struggling with depression?
As things move on in their high school years, kids (and their friends) start driving and parents start worrying about car accidents and just hoping that their kids make it back home alive every night. And they worry about their kids graduating from high school and then moving on to college or the military or a trade school. Often, those options involve the kid being far from home. For those first 18 years, parents worry about their kids even when they are all under the same roof. So how much worse is it when the kid goes away to college or joins the military? Out of sight certainly doesn't mean out of mind.
Even as the kids move on into adulthood, parents still worry about their kids. Will they graduate from college? Will they be able to get and keep a job? Will they find that special someone and start a family of their own?
So, from conception until death (or dementia), parents worry about their kids. What they worry about changes over time, but the worry is always there.
Having said that, you may wonder why anyone would even WANT to be a parent? Why put yourself through all of those worries if you don't have to? Because with those worries come so much joy and so many rewards. Few things are better than seeing your kids happy and successful. When they get an A on that test they've studied so hard for. When they get that big hit to win the game. When they get asked to that dance at school. When they make good decisions on their own and display the morals and beliefs you have worked so hard to instill in them. When they put on that cap and gown and walk across that stage or when they walk down that aisle. Invariably, every parent sees some of themselves in their child and when they see that child happy or successful, it makes them feel happy and successful. And, believe it or not, those moments make all those years of worry worth it.
Thanks for reading.
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