Road Trip Truths

The past few weekends, we've taken some family trips out of town, to Wisconsin and Indiana.  Over the years, we've taken numerous family road trips and I've seen a lot of the country.  Through all of these trips, I've learned several universal truths about America in general and family road trips in particular.

1.) Seemingly every small town in America purports to have an "historic downtown".  From Texas to Florida, from Wisconsin to Alabama, virtually every small town has signs directing you to their "historic downtown."  Invariably, most of these so-called "historic downtowns" are a half-empty shell of what they used to be, before the scourge of Wal-Mart stripped those towns of their viable small businesses.  I'm not sure if towns have to get permission to declare their downtowns "historic" or not, but it would be interesting to know.

2.)  Rural America pretty much all looks the same.  If you are driving through a rural area, it can be nearly impossible to tell if you are in Missouri or Florida or Texas.  It all looks the same - trailers and modular homes; lots of cars, at least one of which hasn't run since the Reagan administration; dilapidated barns in various stages of collapse.  And even the dumpiest looking places are bound to have a satellite dish.

3.) Every truck weigh station in America is always closed.  Seriously, how often do you actually ever see any of those things open, with trucks going through them?  We take at least one road trip every year, so we pass dozens of weigh stations each year and I can count on one hand the number of times one has actually been open.  I'm not sure if that's due to state budget cuts or if someone is doing some sort of weird experiment, but it seems like a huge waste of tax dollars to have these buildings and parking lots to maintain when they are never used.

4.) Somebody in the state highway departments in the South thinks their residents are really dumb.  How can you tell?  All of those yellow "Bridge Freezes Before Road" signs.  You don't see those in Missouri or Indiana or Wisconsin.  You only see them in places like Tennessee and Georgia and other parts of the South.  I'm fairly certain that, even if it doesn't freeze that often in the South, folks down there are smart enough to understand basic science and that a bridge with nothing under it is going to freeze prior to a road that has solid ground under it.  I've always found those signs somewhat insulting.

5.)  Every state has those infuriating "trick exits".  You know that ones I'm talking about - the big blue sign alongside the highway leading up to the exit tells you that there is a McDonald's and Burger King and a Shell station.  You're hungry or you need gas, so you get off at the exit, only to find out that the aforementioned establishments are actually 3 or 4 miles away from the highway.  What you thought would be an easy off and on stop becomes an adventure down some windy road in the middle of nowhere.

6.) The kids sleep while I drive, but then when it's my wife's turn to drive and my turn to sleep, the kids are awake and arguing over what movie to watch or what snack to have.  Everybody else is rested and I'm exhausted but there's too much racket to sleep.

7.)  Your kids always have to go to the bathroom at the worst possible time.  Maybe it's when you're stuck in rush hour traffic in Atlanta and your nerves are frazzled.  Maybe it's right after you just passed the last exit for the next 30 miles that has any facilities. Maybe you're almost to your destination and you just want to get there.  Whichever it is, it always seems like it's the worst possible time when you hear that voice behind you say "I have to go to the bathroom!"

I'm sure that you all have others from your trips - I'd love to hear them.  Feel free to add yours in the comments. 

As always, thanks for reading!