Things That I Have Learned From My Kids

Everyone knows that parents are expected to teach their children a lot of things as part of their responsibilities.  From teaching them manners to helping them learn to read to teaching them how to throw and catch, there are countless things that our kids learn from us parents.  However, what they don’t tell you is how much you also learn from your kids.  In that spirit, here is a list of things that I have learned from my kids:
 

·       Nothing wakes you up faster in the middle of the night than a kid coming in to your room saying “I just threw up.”  You could be in the deepest sleep ever and, as soon as you hear those words, you’re instantly awake as if you’ve been awake for hours.

·        Whoever smelt it dealt it.

·        Conversely, whoever denied it supplied it.

·        SpongeBob Squarepants can be VERY funny…and there’s a lot of humor that is clearly aimed at adults.  (The episode in which SpongeBob and Patrick learn to use “sentence enhancers” is a perfect example.) In a way, SpongeBob and Patrick are the heirs to other “dumb buddies” like Bert & Ernie, Wayne & Garth, and Beavis & Butthead.

·       Few things in life are as humbling, awe inspiring and, quite frankly, frightening as holding your newborn baby for the first time.

·        Pee can really fly and it always seems to come right after you took the diaper off.

·        A lava lamp also doubles nicely as a night light.

·        Our kids are listening to us and picking things up from us even when we don’t realize it.

·        Nothing can be more embarrassing (or frustrating or, sometimes, heartwarming) than hearing your kids repeat something they’ve heard you say.  Whether it’s embarrassing or frustrating or heartwarming depends, to some extent, on what YOU said at some point in the past.

·        You can learn to make, build or draw almost anything by watching YouTube videos.

·        I still hate math, especially fractions.  Fractions are evil.

·        Legos are little more than expensive and fancy dust collectors.

·        Asking Siri what zero divided by zero is results in a funny answer that (for some reason) involves Cookie Monster.

·        There are fewer sign offs and approvals and less security required to buy a car than there are to set up an Xbox account for your underage child.

·        There is no such thing as too many stuffed animals in one’s bed.

·        Cable channels with 24 hour children’s programming are both a blessing and a curse.  They are a blessing because there is ALWAYS a children’s show on when you need one, like if your kid is not feeling well or there’s a storm, etc.  They are a curse because there is ALWAYS a children’s show on when you don’t need one – like when you want to watch your show or you’re trying to get them to go to bed.

·        Few things in this world are more creative than a kid inventing new stall tactics, usually right before bedtime.

·        There’s a thing called “Kidz Bop,” which is nothing more than a series of CDs with kids performing covers of pop songs.  Yes, it’s actually a thing and there are 34 Kidz Bop albums that have sold a total of more than 16 million records.  Why the heck didn’t I come up with that idea?

·        You can actually learn quite a bit by watching “Myth Busters.”

·        MarioKart is awesome.

·        The “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” books are actually quite funny – the movies aren’t too bad, either.

·        Time really does fly.  The older I get, the faster that time seems to go by and that is no more apparent to me than when I look at my kids.  It seems like I blinked and they went from being newborns to school age.  I blinked again and now I have a kid who will start high school in less than 5 months.  The passage of time may not be as apparent when I look in the mirror, but when I look at my kids and when I talk to them, it’s amazing how fast they are growing up.

Being a parent has undoubtedly been one of the greatest gifts with which God has ever blessed me.  It’s always thrilling to watch your kids enjoy something that you introduced them to, whether it’s a sport or a game or a show.  However, it’s equally thrilling to see that this learning and growth experience is not a one-way street.  Just as we teach our kids a lot of things during their lives, they teach us a great deal as well.

Thanks for reading!

HR Follies, Part 3

For your reading pleasure, I have a few more crazy things I've seen on resumes or heard in interviews.  As always, all of these examples are 100% real.  As they say, truth is stranger than fiction.  If you like these, I recommend that you read my two earlier "HR Follies" blog posts.

What exactly are you trying to say?

In the education section of a resume, an applicant put this:

I'm not exactly sure what that means.  He went to high school but didn't take any Math or English classes?  He graduated from high school but his school didn't offer Math or English classes?  Most of the time, I can at least figure out what they mean or what they are trying to say.  But this one?  It has me completely baffled.

Was that really your greatest accomplishment?

An applicant for a construction job with our company had done work for a pipeline company from August 2014 to January 2015.  Below the responsibilities for the job, he listed his "accomplishments":

Really?  You worked for a pipeline company and your accomplishments have nothing to do with, you know, getting the job done on time or under budget or learning new skills?  No, instead you point to the fact that you survived working through winter in North Dakota?  That's like a teacher saying her greatest accomplishment was "making it through the school year" while neglecting to mention if she actually taught the students anything during said year.  Also....can I point out something else?  He says that he "worked through winter" but yet he quit/was fired in January, which is right in the middle of winter.  So, really he didn't work "through winter," which means the one accomplishment he listed on his resume is bogus.

Interviewing in the Dark?

As part of an interview for a field job, we have them some technical questions to try to gauge their mechanical aptitude.  One of the questions was an electrical question - basically, if you were needed to work on a light fixture and you turned off the light switch and the light went off, are you safe to work on the light fixture without getting shocked.  Typically, they say "yes" or "no" (which is the correct answer) and then explain why.  However, we had an exchange in one of the interviews once that went a little sideways.

Interviewer: "If you were to turn a light switch off to service a light fixture, could you be shocked while servicing the fixture?"
Applicant: "So, if I were turn off a light switch....and the light goes off?"
Interviewer: "Right, say you were to flick that light switch on the wall off (pointing to light switch on the wall as an example)..."
Applicant: Turns off the light switch, plunging the windowless interview room into darkness.  Five guys sitting in the dark.
Interviewer: "Uhh...no that was just an example.  Can you turn the light back on?"

What Kind of Question?

We were once again interviewing for a field job.  Following some normal behavioral interview questions, we then transition to technical questions.  However, the interviewer tripped over his words and mixed up "technical" and "test" and wound up saying "Now, we're going to move on and ask you some testicle questions."  To the interviewee's credit, he didn't laugh or make a face and just answered the next question.  The other folks on the interview panel, however?  It took everything they could to not burst out laughing following their colleague's faux pas.

So, what you're saying is you got fired?

I inquired about an applicant's reason for leaving a previous job and he said that he was "involuntarily separated."  I asked him to explain that in a little more detail- thinking maybe he got laid off or something like that - to which he responded that he took a day off on Friday and when he went back into work on the following Monday, they told him they didn't need him anymore.  In other words, he got fired.

Guess what?  His reason for leaving the job two jobs before that one?  Yep, he was "involuntarily separated" from that job, too.  So, apparently "involuntarily separated" is to "discharged" what "sanitation engineer" is to "trash man."  In case you're wondering, we decided not to hire him.

Most Awkward Interview Answer Ever

Here's one answer to an interview question that I'll never forget.

Me: "Tell me about a time when you took the time to gather all of the facts before reacting or making a decision."
Applicant: "Hmmm. Does this have to be work-related?"
Me: "Not necessarily."
Applicant:  "OK, well.....my wife told me she was pregnant but I didn't think it could be mine because I'd had a vasectomy.  Rather than getting upset with her or accusing her of sleeping around, I talked to my doctor.  As it turned out, the vasectomy didn't take, so I was, you know, still able to, you know...But, so it was good that I didn't jump to conclusions and got all the facts first."
Me: "OK, next question..."

So far, that's the first and only time I've been in a job interview and the word "vasectomy" has been uttered.  Hopefully, it never happens again because I can only imagine the look on my face after he said that word in his answer.

That's all for now, though I'm sure I'll have more stories to pass along in the future.  One thing you can always count on with a career in HR is for people to do and say weird things.

Thanks for reading!

More Things I Believe

• I believe that the St. Louis area is a great place to raise a family.
• I believe that Donald Trump will not make it through his four year term - for one reason or another.
• I believe that someone should save Donald Trump from himself and delete his Twitter account.
• I believe that there are more hypocrites per capita in politics than in any other "profession" in the U.S.
• I believe that learning to accept, be comfortable with and, yes, like who you are as a person - with all of your nuances, quirks, your personality - is one of the most important things you can ever do.
• I believe that it is also one of the most difficult things to do - I know it is for me.
• I believe that we are all unique and, yes, a little weird in our own way. 
• I believe those little nuances and eccentricities are to be embraced and celebrated, rather than covered up or hidden.
• I believe the Cardinals will miss the playoffs again in 2017.
• I believe the Cubs will not repeat as World Series champions.  It's really hard to do it in back-to-back years, as evidenced by the fact that no team has done it since 2000.
• I believe Calvin and Hobbes is the best comic strip of all time.
• I believe that, if he'd known that Donald Trump was going to be the next president, Jon Stewart would have never stepped down from him role as host of "The Daily Show".
• I believe that the Baylor men's basketball team will make it to the Sweet 16 this year.
• I believe that the Baylor women's basketball team will make it to the Final Four this year.
• I believe that Matt Rhule was a great hire for Baylor football.
• I believe that Baylor football will win at least 7 games next year.
• I believe that, contrary to popular opinion, people don't change.  Oh, they may change some ancillary habits (stop smoking or drinking, lose weight, etc.) but the core of who they are will never change.  The guy who was the egotistical jerk in high school will still be an egotistical jerk when he's 50.  The person who was a bully in school is still a bully when he/she is an adult, it's just that they are now bullying co-workers and employees instead of classmates.  The guy who was the immature man-child at 20 is still an immature man-child at 50.  The person who is a genuinely nice, caring person as a kid will still be a genuinely nice, caring person as an adult.  A person can change their habits or their look but they can never change their nature or how they are wired.
• I believe that some of you will vehemently agree with that last one and that's okay.
• I believe others of you will wholeheartedly agree with it and that's okay, too.
• I believe our elected officials should spend less time drafting and attempting to pass so called "bathroom bills" and more time actually trying to address the problems that impact this country.
• I believe that global warming is real.
• I believe that Dr Pepper is the most delicious soft drink ever invented - I don't need to use those newfangled drink dispensers to "improve" it by adding cherry or vanilla.
• I believe that some people should not be allowed to use said newfangled drink dispensers because it is apparently too advanced for them.
• I likewise believe that some people should not be allowed to use the self checkout kiosks at the grocery store and should instead just be checked out by a person.
• I believe that Rush Limbaugh is an inconsistent, egotistical blowhard and I can't fathom how people can listen to him day in and day out.  I've tried to do so and it's really just awful.
• I believe that terrestrial radio sucks and am forever grateful for the advent of satellite radio and MP3 players.
• I believe that people in large cities should strongly consider voting Republican or Libertarian Independent instead of Democratic.  Here's why: virtually all large cities in America have been consistently led by Democratic politicians for the past 50 years and how many of them are really better off than they were in the 1960s?  Few, if any.  If you keep doing something over and over again and it keeps leading to the same lousy results, shouldn't you try a different approach?  Really, what do you have to lose?
• I believe this is the warmest, least snowy winter I can ever remember.  Seriously, we've had basically zero snow and temperatures consistently well above average.  It's early March and the Bradford pears are in bloom, something that usually doesn't happen until late March or early April.

Thanks for reading!