TIP 5: There’s such a
thing as being too creative.
We received a resume from an applicant and the “Summary”
section at the top was an acrostic using the letters of his first name. His name was Terron and here’s the acrostic:
Teamwork – I
recognize each individuals’ importance in accomplishing the job’s mission.
Education –
Constantly improving myself through professional and technical education and
training.
Reliable – Consistent
dependability of judge, performance and results.
Respect – Courteous
and respectful toward others and their viewpoints.
Objectives – Fair and
impartial treatment of each team player.
Nimble – Mentally
quick and able to work upon command.
The Golden Rules (TGR) Commentary: I give him points for creativity,
though I’m not sure what “dependability of judge” means and his definition for
“objectives” seems to be more appropriate for teamwork. I could see using this approach when you are
in the marketing field or perhaps corporate communications. However, in the case of this applicant, he
was a warehouse worker and driver. My
favorite part, though? He was a
Marine! Can you imagine the hard time
his fellow Marines would probably give him if they saw this?
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We received a resume from an applicant who had drawn a rather elaborate
cartoon on the outside of the envelope.
The cartoon was of a genie coming out of a lamp. Said genie apparently had eaten beans for
dinner because there was a line drawn pointing to his butt that said “Natural
gas, of course!” (He was applying for a
job at a natural gas company.)
TGR Commentary: This is one of
my all-time favorites. It was very
creative and it certainly stood out, but I’m not sure that you want a company’s
first impression of you to be inextricably linked to a flatulent genie.
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TIP 6: Complete sentences –
subject, verb, etc. – are a good idea.
This is a cover letter we received for an IT position:
Sir or Madam:
Saw your organization advertisement in the April 22
newspaper for the Mainframe Computer Operator.
I am sending this letter and my resume to apply for the Operator
position.
Presently employed by XYZ Health Systems and attending
ABC Junior College to obtain an Associate Degree. Most of my experience is in computer
operation.
Contact me if you
have any questions. Looking forward to
discussing my qualifications with you in an interview at your convenience.
TGR Commentary: This isn’t terrible, but it makes you wonder if he has
a problem including pronouns in his sentences.
I’m assuming that he is the one who saw our advertisement and is
presently employed, but I can’t be certain.
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TIP 7: If you know you’re not
going to pass the drug test, don’t waste my time
We had interviewed and made an offer to an applicant for a Financial
Analyst position. The only steps left
were for him to pass the drug test and physical. The physical for this type of job was (we no
longer do physicals for those jobs) merely a formality to ensure that you don’t
appear to be in imminent danger of death.
No one ever failed those physicals.
Ever. At any rate, he arrived at
the drug testing/physical site and, a short while later, I received a call from
the drug tester stating that she believed that the applicant had attempted to
cheat the test by using someone else’s urine.
When I asked her why she held that belief, she replied that she had been
doing this work for 10 years and could tell based on the sounds she hears in
the bathroom whether or not things are amiss.
She asked for instructions and I told her to have him sit in the lobby,
drink a bunch of fluids and then we’d try again in a half hour. She told him that and he told her that a
friend had driven him to the clinic because they were going out to lunch
afterwards. He asked for permission to
go tell his friend to go ahead and eat without him and come back and pick him
up later. You can probably guess what
happened next. He took off with said
friend. So, the drug tester called and
told me. I had no immediate way to reach
the applicant (this is before cell phones were ubiquitous), so I told the drug
tester to call me if he showed up again and then I tried to reach him at his
home number. Lo and behold, he showed up
again at the drug testing site a while later, ready to go ahead and do the drug
test again. The drug tester called me
and I told her to put the applicant on the line. When she did, I told him that he had not
satisfactorily completed our pre-employment screening process and that we were
rescinding his offer. He gave some
half-hearted arguments, but I think he knew he’d gotten busted.
TGR Commentary: All of this guy’s
work experience had been in related areas but it had also all been working for
his parents. There’s certainly nothing
wrong with working in the family business, but in this case, maybe there was a
reason why he’d never worked anywhere else.
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There was an employee who was trying to get his daughter’s boyfriend a
job at our company. Apparently, the boyfriend
had knocked up the daughter and, at the time, he was only making $6 or $7 an
hour cleaning carpets with no benefits.
The employee wanted to try to get him hired with our company in an entry-level
job where he would make twice what he was making at the carpet cleaning company
and that would offer really good benefits for the future grandchild. The employee called frequently to try to pull
strings to get the kid an interview. We eventually
interviewed the boyfriend and offered him the job. He accepted but when we got his drug test
result, he’d tested positive for cocaine.
We subsequently rescinded the job offer.
Later that day, the daughter called and pleaded with me to reconsider
and to move forward with hiring him. (This
was in early January.) She said that
there had to be a mistake, that he used to do that sort of thing but that he
didn’t anymore. She said that they’d
been to a New Year’s Eve party, but she’d been with him the whole time, except
for when he went to the bathroom. (DING DING DING was what I wanted to
say. Guess what he was probably doing
while he was in the bathroom?) I
apologized and told her that there was nothing I could do, that a positive drug
test automatically meant that the job offer was rescinded. She eventually gave up. The last thing she said to me before hanging
up was “My dad is going to kill me!”
TGR Commentary: This is a sad
one. I can’t imagine what life was like
for the daughter when the employee got home that night or what it was like for
the boyfriend the next time they all saw each other. In the weeks and months after that, I
sometimes wondered how that whole thing worked out. To the employee’s credit, he called and
apologized after finding out about the positive drug test result. He said he felt bad that he’d been nagging me
to help the kid out, only to see it go sideways like that.
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TIP 4: If you’re not capable of
spelling or proofreading, please get assistance from someone who can. (New
addition to the list from the last HR Follies!)
[Applicant filled out an application for a “Laborer” job.]
Application Question: Have you ever been convicted of a felony?
Applicant Answer: Yes
Application Question: If yes, please explain.
Applicant Answer: Fleeing felines
TGR Commentary: I wasn’t aware
that running away from cats was a felony! Seriously, as it turned out, he’d been found
guilty of fleeing police...after they arrived while he was in the midst of a
burglary. So, he meant to type “felonies”
and not “felines” but I like the cat one much better.
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I’m sure I’ll have more of these for a future blog post, but that’s it
for now. Hopefully, reading these put a
smile on your face.
Until next time, thanks for reading!
